A Hot Mess Page 4

  Joy poured the last of her wine into the glass. She was about to fall asleep when she flipped the page and saw the picture of herself standing beside her new used green Hyundai, and her roommate Tamil standing beside her burgundy Nissan Altima. She glanced at the picture of Tamil laid out on the couch fucked up, then her and Tamil sitting at the table with big cups of rum and Coke.

  Joy had lived with Bugg for three months until she saved enough to get her a place. Tamil worked with her and had a passion for black men. She wasn’t really accepted by white or black women, but for some reason, her being white never bothered Joy because she was cool, so they clicked.

  When Tamil was going through it with her husband, she asked Joy for a place to stay. Joy knew how it felt not having a place to stay, and opened her door. Besides, the extra money was well needed, and what was meant to be a couple weeks turned to eight months.

  Joy shook her head, reminiscing about the most experimental times of her life. Tamil made her open up. Living with her was like waking up and going to bed with adventure. Sadly, as days passed, she realized Tamil was going through a rough time as usual, always fussing with her husband, always stressed. Then she began to see Tamil spend most of her evenings drinking and on the computer.

  One evening Tam sat with her rum and Coke and a big smile on her face, typing away at the computer. Joy came up beside her to see what she was doing and asked why she was smiling.

  “This is some shit called Tagged that my husband best friend turned me on to. He knew my husband was fuckin’ around on me and use to see me in the house crying and shit. Then one day we were just talking, and he told me I needed some friends.”

  “What? Your husband best friend told you that?”

  “Yeah, he got a girl, but he ain’t married or nothing. He said he got a lot of friends off this site that he talk to. He my friend too. He be sending me tags and shit too.”

  “Yeah. But why would he try and get his best friend wife to meet other guys? That don’t sound right. Fuck it! That ain’t my business. So what is it again?” Joy asked as she stood over Tamil’s shoulder.

  “It’s a Web site that you go to and meet people,” she said. “I’m talking to a guy now that’s real cool.”

  “I can’t meet a man on a computer. That shit seem desperate.” Joy smirked.

  “Naw, you just talk to them. I’ll show you. You’ll get a lot of friends.”

  Joy shook her head as she turned the page and looked at herself in the picture with Tamil, all the other friends she’d met during a very trying time in her life. Joy went from meeting guys online, to going out to meet them, to eventually inviting them over and spending time with them. And after a minute she was being pulled into swing parties. Later on, she realized it was a fuck site, somewhere you go and meet people to fuck.

  It wasn’t long before they were meeting dudes from all walks of life. Soon they were hanging out at some of the most exclusive parties. For the couple years of her life, she would have any fantasy or thought of sex that she gathered come to life. And in these years, she met some of the most desperate, scandalous, disgraceful men she’d ever come across.

  She looked at the picture of Don standing in his briefs with his bony ass, looking like he was on crack, which he probably was. But Tamil showed her how enough liquor could make you not give a damn. He was the first dude she’d met online and allowed to come into her world. He came in the door treating her like candy, licking and tasting every part of her body, showing her body attention it had never been shown.

  After a couple months, what started fast and exciting turned into this nigga having a family and Joy was just his getaway. So she stepped back. But he still came around from time to time. He became her friend.

  Joy sat shaking her head as she looked at Tommy. Tears formed in her eyes as she thought about how, at that time, she was hurting so bad, she let Tamil introduce her to the brother of a guy she’d met. He was married but having problems and needed a friend. Joy was skeptical because she had just been hurt by finding out about Don, but she put it in her mind that since he’d told her up front, he was being fair. She allowed herself to let go and enjoy Tommy. And she did, but she soon got tired of the smoking, drinking, and him just coming at night fucking her silly then leaving.

  She soon found out some valuable news from Tamil one Saturday morning when she came in from one of her all-nighters. Tamil came in the door as Joy sat at the computer on Tagged at six in the morning, looking grim, checking her messages.

  “What up, girl?” Tamil asked.

  “Nothing. Talking to Omari.”

  “Y’all been talking a minute, and you only met him once?”

  “We went to lunch a couple times.”

  “And? You fuck him yet?” Tamil was smiling.

  “Naw, I ain’t doing that to Tommy,” Joy said.

  “You act like you and Tommy serious,” Tamil said with a twisted face.

  “He don’t want me fucking nobody, and I know he chilling. He getting ready to leave his wife and get his own shit. The way that dude put it down, I know he ain’t nowhere else,” Joy said.

  Tamil began to laugh. “Joy, you know men and how they wanna fuck, but you don’t know men. First of all, I was with him and his wife Thursday. All of us went out. Tommy and his wife are doing fine. They just bought a new house. That’s why he carried you to his old one and fucked you, talking about he getting his own, and she walking around here big as a house, pregnant.

  “Damn, Tamil! Why he lie? Why he carrying it like I’m all that to him and I turn him on like nobody else? This shit hurts,” Joy said, tears welling up in her eyes.

  “Joy, men will say anything. I mean anything to get you open, not just to get the pussy, but so they can keep getting the pussy without the interruption of other guys. See, the reason you feel so good to Tommy is because it’s wrong in his mind, so it turns him on. You are a trick. He thinks that, so it turns him on. He’s sneaking around, in and out, treating you like shit for real, but taking you out, buying you shit, but in the long run, you are just a trick. When niggas cheat, it’s a turn-on to them, but if you looking for love, then you gonna be hurt. You been fucking Tommy for five months and you open, but not in love. You vulnerable.

  “I haven’t said this because I don’t want you to get mad, but you still love Minke. You trying to find a replacement, but you can’t. You fuck, so you’ll have friends, because you don’t wanna be alone. Because if any man come up to you and say, ‘I’m married, but I really like you and want some time,’ he really saying, ‘You look like a dumb bitch who head ain’t on straight. And I want some of your time so I can convince you to allow me to come by so we can fuck whenever I can get away from my wife.’” Tamil was serious.

  Joy smiled with a hurt heart. She was confused.

  “I been out here a long time, Joy, and I found out most men got a woman. And if they don’t, and you like him, go all out, but if they do, get ’em.” Tamil smiled a wicked smile. “My shit is fun. You met Omari and like him. Tell him to come fuck the shit out of you, so you can forget the pain.”

  Tamil typed an instant message on the computer: I’m lonely come spend the day making me feel better.

  “Fuck that shit! You don’t belong to nobody,” Tamil said seriously. “If you ain’t gonna get no money out of these dudes, then you better truly enjoy the sex.”

  Sounds like a winner, but I’m at work. Get off at noon and I can come through with drinks and goodies.

  Tamil typed: Waitin’ on you.

  They laughed and ran in the room to find Joy some sexy lounging wear.

  Joy turned her head to the other page and smiled at the pictures of herself in big throw dresses. She reminisced about the day Omari came by and how that friendship started. She had told him everything about her, and he told her his life story. They shared so much, until Tommy showed up after she ignored his call most of the day.

  After many bangs at the door, she finally answered.

  “What t
he fuck you doing?” he yelled as he came in the door, pushing her. He noticed Omari on the couch.

  Joy’s heart dropped. She’d never been here.

  “This is what you doing now? Fuckin’ other niggas?”

  “Tommy, this is my friend Omari. Omari, I told you about Tommy,” Joy said softly as Omari stood to his feet. “I’m your friend, Tommy, not your woman. You are married.”

  “What the fuck you mean? My being married didn’t mean shit when yo’ big ass was lonely as hell, willing to do anything to keep my company. Fuck it! I got to find me another jump-off. I done fucked you every way possible anyway. Nasty, fat bitch! Now you picking random niggas, giving away pussy. But thanks. You made my relationship stronger, because every day I spent fucking you and letting you suck my dick, on the way home I stopped and bought my wife a gift, thanking her for not being like you hoes in the street.” Tommy walked out, slamming the door.

  Joy’s heart was already in her stomach, but now it just churned. She felt low, embarrassed, and she knew Omari was out.

  For Tommy to act like that, the head and pussy must be the bomb. “Are you okay?” Omari asked.

  “Damn,” she said softly. “I never thought—”

  “Sometimes surprises aren’t good. You should have picked up the phone and said something. Well, I guess now he knows you got a new man.” Omari hugged her.

  Joy felt like shit and really wanted him to leave. She called Tamil, who rushed straight home, knowing her friend was in a bad situation. Tamil came in, and they went to the room and talked. That’s when she was introduced to the cocaine game. Tamil showed her a line of coke and a shot of alcohol could do wonders for the mind and body.

  And later that night she allowed her mind to relax and let Omari do whatever he wanted to her body. And he did everything Minke, Bugg, Don, and Tommy did to perfection. Except, his ten-inch dick stretched her body to different heights. By morning she knew who had first dibs on her.

  In months to come, after her feelings had escalated for Omari, his visits became less frequent, and even though she’d gone through it with Tommy, she let him back in the door. Now over a year had passed, and she still felt like nothing inside.

  Joy remembered running into her old hairdresser, Lady Swann. Lady Swann ran Swann Terrace Boutique. Most of the hustler girls got their hair done at her shop. And by her saying she was from NY, it made all the New York girls go to her when they came to town. Joy remembered when she ran into Lady Swann. She hadn’t seen her since she’d lost her home when Minke cut her off. She couldn’t think of going to Lady Swann’s salon with no money, and the dudes she was fucking wasn’t coming off nothing but dick.

  “Oh my God! Joy!” Lady Swann yelled as they embraced. “Where the hell you been, girl?”

  “Moving around, you know.”

  “This is me, girl. Don’t play. You know I’m the realest bitch on Norfolk Street. Why you ain’t come to see me?”

  “I been fucked up, girl. Trying to keep afloat. You know that nigga had me fucked up.”

  “I know. I heard. And I don’t knock niggas for how they act or what they do, because some bitches deserve it, but don’t leave the kids fucked up,” Lady said with an attitude.

  “For real, girl, nigga had me out there.”

  “You eating good. Look at you. You got big as hell. Face still cute as ever,” Lady said as Joy smiled.

  “Yeah, I put on a little bit,” Joy said sadly.

  “Girl, lift your head up. Them big-ass titties and little waist and phat ass. If you put yourself together, you’ll fuck niggas up, girl. Look, come by the shop tomorrow about noon.”

  “Got to work. Don’t get off till five.”

  “Come afterwards. Come straight there. Don’t be bullshitting, or I’m gonna leave ya fucked up,” Lady said seriously.

  “Thank you, for real.”

  Joy, knowing how she was, made sure she headed to Lady Swann’s Boutique right after work.

  Joy grabbed her bottle of Riesling and turned it over, pouring the last bit into her glass. “Better carry my ass to sleep before I can’t get up in the morning,” she said out loud.

  She flipped some more pages and saw the pictures of her and Omari down the beach at the house in Sandbridge. She began to smile, thinking about that time he’d invited to a party some of his friends were having. When she went and saw Lady Swann, she made sure to let her know, and Lady hooked her up with her fly-ass short cut she’d always had, applied her makeup perfectly, and told the nail tech, Romaine, who rented a spot in her shop, to look out on a manicure and pedicure. She left out of the salon, looking like a million bucks and floating on cloud nine.

  When Omari showed up to pick her up, he stood at the door and stared at her in the short hot pink dress and matching sandals, the hot pink eye shadow caked up over her eyes. He was turned on and felt tonight was gonna be on point.

  “Yo, you know your red nightie and robe that I like?”

  “Yeah,” she answered, confused.

  “Go get it. We not coming back. You with me tonight,” he said smiling.

  As they made their way down to the beach, he pulled out a little pack of coke for them to get their head right. When they arrived, the party was in full swing. The women had on sexy outfits, all the men had on boxers or pajama pants, and the music was good. And as he moved around he explained the rules to her.

  “This is a girl-girl room and no men are allowed. All the other rooms got different themes going on, and if you want to participate, just ask and go for it. After every episode, you need to shower and brush your teeth then get another drink.” Omari smiled. “Oh, and if anybody try to run up in you raw, let it be known, and they’ll throw them out.”

  “And suppose I’m kinda shy and not ready for this?” she asked, feeling funny, wishing he’d told her exactly what this was about. She stared at him and the things going on around her. “Tell me, Omari. Why would you bring me here? Seriously, I want to know.”

  Omari could tell at that moment she was uncomfortable. He stared at her. “I got to be honest with you, Joy. When we met online, I took you as a single mom with a lot to offer, and when I say a lot to offer, I mean time, attention, conversation, and possibly love. I wanted a woman in my life who had time for me and only me.

  “Before you, I had broken up with my girl. We had a four-year relationship, but between her work and school, and her taking care of grandmother, that left little time for me. She was always good to me and always kept it one hundred, so when I felt she couldn’t focus on me, I didn’t play her. I left her ass and I told her why. Then I met you and spent my time online talking to you. So when we met, I was getting into you. Then your boy Tommy came through. That shit shook me, but it didn’t change the way I felt. I just thought he was a jealous ex. But that same night he hurt you, you fucked me still like it really didn’t faze you. Then many nights, your phone ring off the hook, twelve, one, two in the morning. That was too much. Dudes come to your house knocking all times of the night, and the kicker was, I went to one of these parties last month in D.C., and Tommy was there. He let me know he was still fucking you, and he asked me to ask you if we could fuck you together. I was really hurt, but played it off. Then he told me of your other friends, and it killed me. But I don’t judge. I’m just looking for love and my own. This is fun, and that’s what you are to me, nothing more. So, yes, I can do this with ya,” he said, staring at her.

  Joy’s eyes welled up with tears. “I was married, and I want to be married again. I want love and respect, I don’t want this. I was lonely, just me and my kids, and I don’t want to be alone,” she said softly as a tear dropped. She had allowed herself to catch feelings over Omari and didn’t know what to do at that point.

  “I’m always up front, Joy. I carried it like this because I felt it was all a game to you. And when I found out you was still dealing with these other dudes . . .” Omari began to smile.

  “What’s funny?”

  “When dudes hurt, they do str
ange things. But, no matter what, we don’t want to be alone. I thought I had found something real in you, but that nigga shut all that down for me. When he shut me down, I didn’t want to deal with it by myself. So I”—Omari paused—“Don’t take this the wrong way, but last month I went and bought a bracelet and a ring, took it to my girl, and begged her to take me back, thanking God she ain’t like these nasty bitches in here,” he said, looking around.

  “Well, I’m not for this, and I don’t get down like this. I would really like to leave.”

  “Well, I apologize. I’ll take you home,” he said, headed back downstairs.

  When they arrived back at her home, Omari walked her inside and had a drink. She never said a word on the ride home or since they’d gotten in the house.

  He walked to the door and turned to her. “Sorry again, Joy. I guess I took you wrong. Hope we still cool. I definitely enjoy your company. I’ma call you. Oh! And let me put a bug in your ear about Tommy—he go both ways. He done a lot of time locked up, and he just wanna get a nut, he don’t care how. So I hope you use condoms with any dude you with. Be careful,” he said and left out.

  Joy stood there with her mouth open and mind confused. At that moment she felt she never wanted to be with another guy again. How could I trust them?

  Tamil came out as Joy was sitting down, crying, thinking about how it came that Omari thought she was like those other trifling girls at that party and that she wanted to swing. She sat beside her and gave her a drink.

  Joy listened to Tamil as she tried to console her, until they sat embraced in each other’s arms crying. Tamil told her to put on the red, sexy outfit, so she could feel pretty and look like the extraordinary woman she knew she was, that maybe she needed a reminder.